Useless skills

Colbert raises that eyebrow sky high. (Yahoo Images)

Related to yesterday’s post on useful language skills, today I want to know about your useless skills. What can you do that’s fun but has no real life application? Or, is there something you wish you could do?

For me, I really wish I could raise just one eyebrow at a time. Oh, the facial expressions I could make!

Come on, share your skills (or dream skills) with the rest of the class.

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23 Responses to Useless skills

  1. Lacey Bean says:

    I wish I could sing! And I mean sing well. I’m a horrible singer - I’d love to have a great voice! Good singers give me the chills

  2. jen_alluisi says:

    I can raise one eyebrow - but only the right one! If I want to raise the left, I end up raising both. Despite being a larger-framed lady, I am quite flexible - my only natural athletic talent. I can easily do a yoga forward bend, legs straight and palms flat on the ground. I’m also double-jointed in my hands - I can make my fingers look all freak-show. And I used to be able to peel a banana with my feet - don’t know if I can still do that, but I do still use my feet (successfully) to pick things up with some regularity (if it’s on the floor and I want it and it’s a light enough weight, I pick it up with my toes and bend my knee to bring my foot up until I can grab it with my hands).

  3. Little Miss Sunshine State says:

    I can swallow air and burp on demand. It helps to have a floppy valve at the top of your stomach!

    My son and I both have what we call a “cesspool of useless information” in our brains. He wins trivia contests at bars every week. He usually wins enough money to pay for his meal at the next trivia contest. My cesspool is getting slightly murky as I get older…I can’t pull up the trivia as quickly as when I was younger.

  4. Lori H says:

    Like Lacey, I wish wish wish I could sing. I love to sing and do so a lot, but not well :( Not sure what useless skills I have, will have to give it some thought.

  5. I wish I could roll my tongue. Everyone in this house can but me.

    • There’s a gene for that tongue roll thing. You either can or can’t; it’s not something you can learn. (Isn’t that the way with a lot of our useless skills?) Speaking of party tricks, I wonder if tongue rollers are better at tying a knot in a maraschino cherry stem using only their tongues? (I’m a tongue roller but not a knot tie-er. Now THOSE girls were popular!)

  6. badness jones says:

    I can turn my eyeballs all the way back in my head, which is great for scaring young children, but only if they stand still, because I can’t see to chase them!

  7. Cassi says:

    I can raise one eyebrow, but only the left. :-)

    I wish I could whistle. I’ve never been able to, and it just seems like it would be a great thing to be able to do.

    • jen_alluisi says:

      And I can only raise the right. Together we’re a matched set, Cassi!

      I can do a regular whistle, but I’ve always wanted to be able to do one of those big, loud, traffic-stopping whistles. Alas, I have never been able to manage it, no matter how many people have tried to teach me.

  8. Michelle Ramsdell says:

    Not sure this qualifies as a skill but I can pop my right shoulder in and out of its socket (like dislocating it at will without the pain). Unfortunately, I can’t whistle or wink which would be more useful!

  9. Smalltown Me says:

    I can pick up things with my toes.

  10. Oooh, I’m with you on the eyebrow raising. My eyebrows are entirely untalented.

  11. RobinH says:

    I can wiggle my ears. But only forward and backward, not up and down. It’s a useful skill for one who wears glasses, I wiggle my ears back to yank my glasses back up my nose.

  12. ssheers says:

    I make great doodles, and I can pick up things with my toes.

  13. ssheers says:

    And I can curl my toes into a fist so the nails are on the floor and my heel’s on the floor.

  14. Holy smoke, this is a talented group! I cannot do anything with my eyebrows, and in fact, my family tells me I don’t HAVE any eyebrows (they are very light-colored). Picking up things with your toes sounds quite useful.

    I am very good at spelling, which became a pretty useless skill as soon as computers and spell-check programs came along. Sure, there are a few things that can slip past the programs, but not many.

  15. bdaiss says:

    Love this! I also would love to be able to raise one eyebrow. And whistle better (I blame my strange fissured tongue). And roll my r’s.

    I definitely can pick up things with my “monkey toes” as my husband refers to them. And will save myself the “effort” of bending over whenever possible. I can also hang a bunch of spoons all over my face. Don’t ask…(a very useful skill when entertaining small impatient children at restaurants however.) I’m also very skilled at making a fool of myself and not caring what folks think about it. It’s the theater in me.

  16. Violet says:

    I, like jen_alluisi, am a larger lady who is very flexible. Yoga forward bend, the splits, ballet floor stretches - I love ‘em all! My sisters call me the Queen of the Small Fact because of my ability to pull useless information out of my…head. I can identify subtle differences in colors that others often can’t see.

  17. Kris says:

    I can raise both eyebrows independently. I am super awesome like that. It scares the crap out of some people who can’t raise their eyebrows at all, or can only do both of them at once. mwahaha.

    I can throw up on demand. And I can throw up silently. It’s pretty impressive. I guess I have an intense diaphragm or something. But if I ever wanna throw up, I just tense my stomach and go for it. Totally useless, unless I am feeling queasy from something I ate and just don’t want to deal with it any more. Then it’s kind of useful.

  18. I can roll my tongue.
    Unlike Kris, I cannot regurgitate on demand. In fact, I fight against my body when I am sick because something in me absolutely refuses to vomit until there is no other recourse. I am more likely to lay miserably on the bathroom floor than to feel better by giving offerings to the porcelain god.

  19. jenn says:

    While I can raise one eyebrow (endlessly useful as a high school teacher), my least employable skill is the ability to fall asleep in seconds. It irritates my husband to no end, who sometimes has trouble sleeping. My own bed? No sweat. Hotel room? Still asleep in 10 seconds flat. It’s not the kind of thing you put on a job application.

    • Little Miss Sunshine State says:

      I can fall asleep in seconds, anywhere. I used to power nap in the car waiting for my daughter to come out of dance class. My Mom always said I could fall asleep sitting on a picket fence!

  20. Lisa says:

    Sleeping almost any place at any time.
    I remember phone numbers and crazy facts.

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